Take me...............HOME!

Where fall exist and my family is. I miss home sooo much ESP. right now. I want my best friends I want to see them everyday. I want to go to the apple orchard I want to take P&E to the park with keely. I want ohio to be closer to GA I want to get in the car and go visit for the weekend I want I want I want! I'm in such a fowl mood tonight. I'm irritated and upset! I feel like I'm here and and everyone is living their life and time is on pause for me. I dont understand why I am feeling this way I just had a great week with my parents and had an amazing 1st birthday with some family and lots of friends but I couldnt help be think Coreys parents should be here my aunts, uncles and cousins should be here whats a birthday party when you dont have 15 twigg babies running around. I'm so upset that for the 1st time I cant be home when my cousin courtny is and that I wont be home until Christmas. Urghhhh tomorrow I'll probably be fine but today I'm pissed and I cant sleep which is even more irritating! 

Long time no.....BLOG

It's been 5 months since my last blog. Now I sit a week away from the girls turning 1. It's very bitter sweet to me. It was a hard year and I gained a lot of life experience along the way! It's mind boggling to me that I survived I SURVIVED. at time I didn't think I would and I still have those time but know now I will truck through doing what I have to. Honestly I could not have made it with out my mom and dad!Before the twins even came my mom took me to dr's offices 3 times a week and usually at least 1 late night trip to the hospital a week. When Corey went back to Iraq when the girls we're 14 days old my parents did all the could to try and fill his shoe. Helping with night time feedings, making bottles and changing diaper yes people my dad did all these things too. Sometimes I feel like I had it easier because corey was deployed I never would have had the help of an entire family ready to step up when ever needed! I still don't ever think there is a way to repay them! My friends didn't bail on me because my "life" was over my true best friends embraced my new life as a mommy to twins. My best friends did all they could I remember Taylor and Erin shaving my legs for me at 34 weeks still grateful for that! I could almost expect to see Taylor or keely 5-6 times a week. P&E are like their daughters they've been and will always be such a big part of their lives. I am sad that everyone who grew so close to them while we were home can not be in GA to celebrate their 1st birthday as I would love. I'm grateful for ALL the people who went out of their way for us my family,friend and coreys family! Their is are so much more I could thank people for but I will keep it simple!

The girls are thriving almost one year olds. Walking, talking exploring a.k.a. Getting in to everything. Making my life my entertaining and hectic everyday. Watching their minds work when they discover something new is amazing to me. I wonder what they think when they see something for the first time or better yet when they taste something for the first time. I love to make conversations up for the what I think they are saying to each other when they are talking. It would be awesome to be able to read their minds or have a translator lol! That's all for this post but I will surely be post more often again now that I have hubby home and the maddness of reintegrating our lives back together is over!

Thanks but NO THANKS

So annoyed with people who think they can raise your kids better then you because you know they did/do such a stellar job with the ones they have.

 Lets start at the beginning. P&E's 6 month appointment was yesterday. A little late but we waited until they were fully recovered from the RSV before I wanted them to get shots. My dad had mentioned to me that Ella never tilts her head to look up she just throws her entire body back or when she does her eyes roll and shes looks like shes in pain. I mentioned this to the Dr and showed her and she was slightly concerned and said she needs physical therapy and that would probably be it. Me as a mother of course I'm going to worry isn't that apart of the job! but I truly believe its just a stiff neck she is my baby A she was head down in my pelvic for 16 weeks with her weight and some of her sister on her in the womb. So yes I'm concerned but I know thats just it.

I get a phone call last night from a family member giving her advice...oh yeah here we go another let me tell you how to raise your kids know it all. This person with out asking for details about the situation with Ella address it head on. She tells me Ella is just a lazy baby like Corey is now. Okay really I understand hes in Iraq but why is every trait personality and look wise come from Corey. I find it quite funny that they are starting to look like me what will they do now!! Secondly he's not lazy yes on his days off less motivated but not lazy. Lastly it takes more for her to throw her self back them to tilt her head back use your brain. Then here is the kicker she tells me I don't hold them enough WHAT! I'm a flipping mom of twin I only have 2 arms yes I can and do hold them both at once but who wants to do that. Also there is enough hands in this house they are held plenty. I am quite proud of the fact that I can sit my 6 month olds in their bumbo's with their basket of toys and they can play until they're ready for a nap. I tried sooooo hard not to have spoiled babies. So if I'm a "bad mom" because I dont hold them all the time or hold them to put them to sleep like you would like so be it. I can lay them in their beds at nap and bed time and they go right to sleep thats an accomplishment to me. So thanks for your advice but I dont need it you see your 6 hours you spend with them a week to my every second of every day doesnt give you the right to tell me what I should and shouldnt be doing with COREY AND I's kids. We're the parents and we make every parenting decision together!



End rant lol :D

The past 2 weeks

Urghh with the girls and I both sick these past two weeks of been rough! Everyone made it out in pretty good amount of time with out any major problems thank god! I feel like I have me too babies back. When they were sick I didnt know whose they were I just knew they hadnt been the babies I've had for 6 months.  I'm just glad its over! Special thanks to my mom with out her here I would have been floundering. I'm just glad she didnt bag out with worried about getting sick on her own. So just another thing I could put under my accomplishments in twinhood next stop teeth? :/ So scary!  

Boogies and 6 months!

This is week has been the hardest week since P&E were born. RSV a.k.a baby cold YUCK! First P now that shes feeling better now poor E has it! My I add I have it too urghh. So stressful thank god for my mom! Other then that were at 6 months sitting you with a little help. Eating baby food and and and starting to get up on there knees not all 4 yet but soon I feel like I will be getting more then my daily exercise in chasing these girls around!!!

When we reached 6 months I think I was more proud of my self then anything. I've survived 6 months without daddy and with 2 infants with out any total meltdowns. I'm thinking when they turn a year I'm going have them and a party and my self! Honestly when they were newborns and other twin mommies would tell me it gets easier I promise. I thought they were lying to just get my through but now I see it really it does get better! On a different note starting to get excited about hubby coming home. April is going to be a busy month May its back to GA to get ready and then its june yesss june couldnt come fast enough!

5 months

The baby girls are finally 5 months. They have discovered their feet. That they can talk/yell! They reach for you roll from belly to back.  Seems like in the last month they've learned everything so quick and its crazy its already been 5 months since these sweet 5 lb angles came into this world. 5 months of very very little sleep.  2,400 bottles made endless diapers changed 6 sets of shots and one very very exhausted momma! I wouldn't trade them for anything because the giggles and babbles make the 5 am feedings a little bit pleasant. It does get easier the light at the end of the tunnel that I couldn't see 4 months ago is starting to appear brighter and brighter everyday. Now I am more then comfortable to go visit people alone with them go out period with them be my self to a singleton mom this may seem trivial to a mom of multiples this is huge! Teething has also begun at full force coming at us fast scaryyyy! 2 cranky babies make for a even crankier mommy! On a lighter note 3/4 of the way though this deployment and I can finally visualize the end and its near every day is closer I keep telling my self. Thats pretty much it all for now. I need to start writing more again!

A fairy was born and an angel went home!

Its been sooo long so lets catch up

I Loveeeeeeeee hearing the girls laugh. I want to cry and laugh at the same time. They seriously are the most amazing thing I've ever known and they're mine. Such happy happy babies. They're starting to interact more with daddy on skype they adore him I swear Its going to be all bad for me when he gets home already daddies girls...thats okay! I cant imagine my life with out these 3.

Well vacation was amazing. I loved having family and close friends met the girls for the first time. It was a very fun time so didnt want to come home!

While I was away I learned a distant friend was taking to early and in a horrific way. When someone your age and a person you know is taken so young it shows you life owes you nothing and tomorrow is never promised. The only peace I feel about the whole terrible situation is she's in a better place. R.I.P. Lisa.

Other then that lifes pretty great. Kicking deployments ass and raising my babies.

Some people never change.

I feel like I shouldnt even have to say this. If you have facebook you should be an adult and know facebook is not an outlet to air your dirty laundry, its not a place to let all your family business out. My new years resolution was to take all the negative people out of my life. They don't deserve to be apart of my blessed path through life. I feel ones life is based on the people you surround your self by. So thats exactly what i am doing.  FAMILY OR NOT!

Now on to my next point. I as a mother I made the decision that I didn't want people tagging and sharing my pictures with people. Now I guess some of you need an explanation for this if you are not personally close with us there is no reason for you to be tagging yourself in my pictures. My dads family or not. Only a few of you are in contact with me and this is not directed towards you. But if you cant add me to your friends list THEN DO NOT TAG YOURSELF IN MY PICTURES.  I mean really you just had a grandson how would your sons girlfriend feel if I went and tagged myself in their pictures a person she barely knows. I don't think she would like it. So why would you want pictures of MY DAUGHTERS on your page when you have nothing to do with me. For the simple fact to let everyone know your brother has beautiful twin granddaughters. You can send them to his page he has pictures of them. Thanks

Other then this stupid pointless nonsense. My vacation is going veryyy good. The girls did great on the plane and are a little crabby with being in an unfamiliar place but not bad. We're just hanging out with great grammy aunt cathy jess tj and kids and enjoying being around them. Georgia in a few days and I must so I am soo excited for the girls to meet all the great people that are there. :) Thats all for tonight besides praying for daddy to arrive at his destination safe. We love you Daddy!

Best Friends? and Doctors

Today I felt like I was working so hard for a friendship that I never had to work at before. You shouldn't have to work at a friendship. I felt like I was working to keep a conversation up and grasping at things. Truth is we have nothing in common anymore but I don't feel like that is an excuse for a friendship that you've had for so long. But you cant make someone be your friend. Oh well I give up.

On a lighter note went to the dr's today have two healthy baby girls. :) I love them. Smiles from them definitely makes me day a thousand times better.

blahhh blahh blah

I feel like its impossible to make any one happy now a days.  No matter what I say or do someone reads into it wrong and I'm always the bad guy. I dont think anyone around me stops for two seconds and puts them selves in my shoes. Not asking for sympathy but for 5 seconds attempt to understand my life. I went from my own life with my own home. To living back at my parents with 2 kids and a husband across the world. So sorry I'm not a ray of fucking sunshine all the time. I'm a person who needs her space always has. So quit telling me if I'm that unhappy to go back home. The thought of taking care of twin infants on my own with out any help isnt appealing to me but will if i have to.

My second issue I'm not that friend who tells you what you want to hear. I wont sit there nod my head and paint you a picture of unicorns that shits rainbows and cottoncandy. I'm gonna be real with you and tell you how I see it. If you ask what your wear is ugly bet your ass I will let you know. If i think your bf or husband is a d-bag I will most likely tell you but something would have to happen for me to tell you. I'm not that big of a bitch to just come out and say it about because clearly you see something in that person. Personally if you dont like it then dont be my friend I promise I wont be hurt.

Tomorrows a new day and hopefully better. I think this winter weather making me stay inside is getting to me I need out of the house!!

Realizations.

Things I've realized since kids and deployment.

Two things that MAKE you grow up. First I've realized my husband is my truest best friend, I mean I have best friends but he's my absolute complete rock. Deployments show you the person you can be. No matter how much I miss him or wish like hell every time my daughters do something new that he was here. I cant go to bed, sit there and cry all day. I put on a smile keep going. I've learned to enjoy little things, never again will I take for granted a four day weekend of watching COD. :D You meet awesome people and wives who you become close with quick. shout outs to Tara P.(my nice twin)! because most of your other friends and family have no idea. P&E gave me a whole new view on life. Small stuff doesnt matter. The people you surround your self with do. There isnt any need for a lot of friends just true friends and honestly all the ones who dont matter weed them selves out anyways. I've found a new appreciation for my mama. Even tho she doesnt think i do i really really do appreciate her. She handles me even when i am cranky and impossible. Since having twins I've come to the realization sleep is a luxury and so is a nice long shower and eating a hot meal or a meal at all. My daughters amaze me daily. They say when you have a child its like having your heart walk outside your body. Couldnt be anymore true they are everything to me, I would give up anything for them and their safety and happiness. I could make this entry go on foreverr. Long story short in the last 6 months I've realized more about my self then I have in my whole 20 year of existence.

Day 1.

Today i decided to stop drinking pop and make a "lifestyle change" because i hate the word diet. Diets are temporary. Not because I am un-happy with the way I look because honestly I have alot of self confidence. I do know that I'm out of shape and my thing is soon my daughters are going to be running me ragged and I want to be able to play all day with out getting tired or worn out. Plus my addiction to mountain dew is sooo outrageous. Really thats my killer I dont even remember to feed myself half the time lol sad but true. A fellow army wife friend told my about myfitnesspal.com LOVE it makes counting easier. But if any one has any suggesting or fun excises let me know I'm up for anything.

Military Goodbyes....Cya later.

You stand there proud. Many things running through your mind. Trying to stay strong for him, you know he doesn't like to see  you cry.  Your heart is pounding through your chest, breaking but swelling with pride at the same time. Telling your self it's not that long, I'll get by. You give that final hug and here they comes, the tears your swore you wouldn't cry. Walking away wiping your eyes knowing you'll never get used to a military goodbye.

I dont think it ever gets easier. I believe its a minds natural defense to push the negative feelings out. You become numb life goes on.  My daughters dont stop needing me because mommy misses daddy today. I push on knowing one more day i make it through and one more day until we say hello again!

Did you really just say that!! @#$%

Most annoying things people say to me!

About my kids

-Are they twins?
Nope just figured I would match everything car seat, blankets, clothes and KIDS!!

-Oh good luck to you.
Well thanks for the luck but  you can keep it, you need it more. I have two examples of my luck. :)

-Are they IVF?
Yes at 19 years old I decided hey ya know I just have all this money floating around why don't I go get IVF. derrrr. NO

- I know how you feel my kids are 14 months apart.
Stop right there. No you dont. I carried 2 kids in my body, right here is where you lose. I got up with 2 newborn infants praying to god that they will wake up at the same time. You may know what its like to have a young toddler and an infant atleast one of the two can hold their own bottle most likely sleep through the night and doesnt poop every hour.

-How do you do it? 
I hate this one because there isn't really a way to answer. I just do it. You had 1 kid you taught yourself how to take care of your child. Well I taught myself how to take care of two. HA

About being an army wife.

-I don't know how you do it? I couldnt! 
urghh another how do you do it. What one does for love is all I say. Hes the love of my life there isn't much I wouldn't do for him. So I put my big girl panties on and deal. Easier said then done!

-Arent you glad he is in Iraq and not Afghanistan?
Yes Afghanistan is scary and way worse then Iraq and I am thankful he is there. Its still war people hes not home I'm not glad hes in the better of two places I will be glad when he is home.

-I'm Sorry.
Why because my husbands pretty much hard core and yours isnt. I'd be sorry too.

December.

Has been busy so glad everything is settled down. Uncle Fred and Aunt Christy finally got to meet the girls. Loved visiting with them and watching them get to know the girls. We had an awesome christmas all around very spoiled little girls. Made it through without daddy but makes us appreciate him more and all he does for us.

New Things
We've started cereal and now sleep most of the night woohoo.
Sitting in our bumbo seats :)
some what reaching and grabbing.
Sucking on our fists....teeth ehhh?

I'm so glad its finally 2011 and I get to look forward to my husband coming home and all the memories that we finally get to make as a family. bittersweet count down. I don't really have an new years resolutions like quit smoking because i already dont. Maybe to stop drinking mountdew but its my form of coffee :/  mostly to be a better person and to eliminate any negativity from our lives. Which brings me to my next point. Its like when you become a mommy you figure out who your real friend who matters who doesnt and who has always been there. I've come to the conclusion its okay to lose them because you always gain better mommy friends that understand you and that are mostly mature....not all of them are. :) Looking back its been the best year of my life and I wouldnt change a thing. Ruff pregnancy deployment and all Because I wouldnt be the person I am.

Alright thats all for tonight. Happy New Years all!!!